The past two months have brought upheaval, a realization of failure and a renewal of discovery. That’s a lot.
In the past two months I have closed most of my writing business and dropped all the networking, business development, and business meet-ups. Nothing was working. I was losing money every month and my savings couldn’t take much more depletion. I’m now running on near empty.
The last straw that made me snap was when my business development group moved to a new location and I couldn’t find it. I drove around for about a half hour trying to locate the right building and didn’t find it. That one little thing made me write an email to the leader and say, “I’m done. My business is failing and I’m done trying to hide that fact.”
No amount of development would fix it, so FULL STOP was my answer. Partial list:
- Aforementioned business development classes – done, but they offered me guest status.
- My Chamber of Commerce membership was up so I didn’t renew.
- My membership in a Construction Referral Group was up, again no renewal. They also offered me guest status.
- I dropped my Profit Through Life Purpose group, even though I really wanted to do that one.
- Didn’t renew a major business networking group ($700 a year’s worth of wasted time and money. I would write about the jerk in charge of that one, but he would probably sue me. I’ll have to disguise it.)
- Business meetup once a month for Business Startups – done.
I quit everything.
Except two: my weekly fitness class, and my life coach. I think of both as life strengthening and affirming. I also got a job cashiering at Home Depot to help fill in the financial gaps as I retool and rethink business or job or whatever is next. This blog is part of the retooling and I wouldn’t be writing at all if it were not for Kate.
I didn’t find Kate; she found me. Last fall I attended a conference of all women vendors and speakers. Kate was a vendor and I tossed my card in for a drawing prize of 3 free sessions with her and won. (I also won a free analysis of my handprint which was also amazing and will be part of this blog at some point.) Both wins have been instrumental in my forward movement in self-discovery. Both totally unexpected, unplanned, and unsettling.
(Change is hard. You go first.)
We did the three sessions and really wanted to continue. She uses a method of analysis for the saboteurs and sages each person has living in their heads. I’ve bounced around all over the place and she always seems to ask the right questions to get me positioned in front of an answer that makes the most sense. It’s not necessarily right or wrong, but it makes sense after looking at the situation a new way. Or realizing just how much I have sabotaged myself year after year, and that I can change the patterns with discovery and awareness.
That’s what I want to write about now. I’ll do the politics and progressive writing somewhere else, but here I want to explore Me. Lynn. Friend to many, but unknown to most, especially myself. I don’t know what to expect, but I’m doing it anyway.