Starting Over

The past two months have brought upheaval, a realization of failure and a renewal of discovery. That’s a lot.

 In the past two months I have closed most of my writing business and dropped all the networking, business development, and business meet-ups. Nothing was working. I was losing money every month and my savings couldn’t take much more depletion. I’m now running on near empty.

 The last straw that made me snap was when my business development group moved to a new location and I couldn’t find it. I drove around for about a half hour trying to locate the right building and didn’t find it. That one little thing made me write an email to the leader and say, “I’m done. My business is failing and I’m done trying to hide that fact.”

 No amount of development would fix it, so FULL STOP was my answer. Partial list:

  • Aforementioned business development classes – done, but they offered me guest status.
  • My Chamber of Commerce membership was up so I didn’t renew.
  • My membership in a Construction Referral Group was up, again no renewal. They also offered me guest status.
  • I dropped my Profit Through Life Purpose group, even though I really wanted to do that one.
  • Didn’t renew a major business networking group ($700 a year’s worth of wasted time and money. I would write about the jerk in charge of that one, but he would probably sue me. I’ll have to disguise it.)
  • Business meetup once a month for Business Startups – done.

 I quit everything.

 Except two: my weekly fitness class, and my life coach. I think of both as life strengthening and affirming. I also got a job cashiering at Home Depot to help fill in the financial gaps as I retool and rethink business or job or whatever is next. This blog is part of the retooling and I wouldn’t be writing at all if it were not for Kate.

 I didn’t find Kate; she found me. Last fall I attended a conference of all women vendors and speakers. Kate was a vendor and I tossed my card in for a drawing prize of 3 free sessions with her and won. (I also won a free analysis of my handprint which was also amazing and will be part of this blog at some point.) Both wins have been instrumental in my forward movement in self-discovery. Both totally unexpected, unplanned, and unsettling.

 (Change is hard. You go first.)

 We did the three sessions and really wanted to continue. She uses a method of analysis for the saboteurs and sages each person has living in their heads. I’ve bounced around all over the place and she always seems to ask the right questions to get me positioned in front of an answer that makes the most sense. It’s not necessarily right or wrong, but it makes sense after looking at the situation a new way. Or realizing just how much I have sabotaged myself year after year, and that I can change the patterns with discovery and awareness.

 That’s what I want to write about now. I’ll do the politics and progressive writing somewhere else, but here I want to explore Me. Lynn. Friend to many, but unknown to most, especially myself. I don’t know what to expect, but I’m doing it anyway.

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Aside

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kate
    Jul 15, 2013 @ 21:43:52

    I love the way you write! More more more!

    Reply

  2. Danielle Angevine
    Jul 17, 2013 @ 06:54:24

    Dear Lynn

    I have been a regular reader of your posts and have written to you about issues such as abortion. Your recent letter sounds like you are in a rough patch and I think that it is important that we all reach out to each other in difficult times. I am sorry to hear that your posts and blogs are ending. It is voices like yours that I think are so needed in the US to show the way to a society that is just for all.

    Please keep me on your mailing list for future ventures. My contribution to your voice has been small and I come from a very different base politically (Canada) but in the battle to help our sisters and daughters and grand-daughters claim what is their own, we are all in this together.

    Sincerely

    Dannie Angevine

    Brantford ON

    Canada

    Reply

  3. lynnblossom
    Jul 17, 2013 @ 08:46:24

    Hi Danielle – Oh yes, there’s been a rough patch. My business failed and I’m cashiering at Home Depot while looking for a job.

    I am actually starting a completely new blog soon that will concentrate on the destructive results of this country going sharply right. I decided to split the two conversations for my own selfish reasons, but hope it will help me keep my political voice clear. There’s a book in me about Lewis Powell and I hope to partially write it on that blog. The Progressive Grandma is not dead, just revamping. I’ll announce it here and link.

    I so appreciate that you have followed my little blog and it inspires me to follow through. Your voice is valued here and I’m sure where ever you write. It seems that Canada is also under siege by the conservatives, but you guys have a better hold on what’s good for people and should be kept around like the medical system.

    Reply

  4. Danielle Angevine
    Jul 17, 2013 @ 12:27:41

    Thanks for you reply. Good luck with your retooling. You sound like a survivor!

    Reply

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