The Reluctant Writer

Ok, so I just deleted my last post which was really disgusting. Sorry Cele and whoever the other unfortunate reader was. (Only two people registered as two hits on that post.) I don’t know what got into me. I think I’m revisiting adolescent rebellion against propriety, society, sobriety, just for a little notoriety. Not worth it. 

This blogging thing is not natural for me. I’ve been isolated enough over the last few years that sharing anything about my private life is confusing and difficult. Add to that the fact that I am a reluctant writer. That is . . . I ponder so freakin hard and long that I get tied up in my mind and don’t even start. I have lots to say but getting  it out presents itself as an obstacle.

Maybe there’s some insecurity in there as well. That’s a big possibility. My life right now largely internal. I need to get a life and be more socially involved. My first big step was to join a book club and actually start attending the discussions. The women in the group are really bright, engaging people, and I have enjoyed the monthly meetings. Coffee group is fading away, so that’s only an occasional social diversion.

On a happy note, my new job started Feb 2. Oh yeah. I got a job as Sr. Technical Writer for NCI Inc. and I work at the Hill Air Force Base. The job entails writing and managing documentation for testing processes done on the equipment on military aircraft. NCI develops the software and testing procedures. The tech writers put their procedures into readable form; meets with engineers, compliance managers, and aircraft technicians to verify the information; attends the testing  in labs and right on the aircraft (at different air force based in the US and Europe); makes corrections and keeps version control, and finally delivers the final draft. The process involves about 5 iterations of review and testing, so it can take months or years to finish documenting a process.

It’s not my dream job because there’s a lot of down time which can be boring and some of it is a little boring to begin with. On the other hand it is my dream job because it gives me income and benefits and THERE’S A LOT OF DOWN TIME, which can be  used for my own projects. They don’t care if I continue to freelance as long as it doesn’t conflict or compete with their company work.  What could be better?

As for what’s next? I’m changing that lame-ass tag line. I don’t know what’s next, but I’m going to try to share more about who I am and what I like in a positive constructive way. Possible topics are art, jewelry, birds, aging gracefully, cats, friends, . . . stuff like that. Utah politics steams in a maddening, smelly pile but it is always entertaining.

I had an idea about my brother the other day. He committed suicide Feb of 93 and I have a small body of his writings. I’m thinking now that it has been a while and isn’t so raw, I might dig some of his stories out and put them together a little book that I can take to his class reunion next year. No one in his class knows how he died or why because my mom freaked out and forbade me to tell anyone. She told me people he had a heart condition or a brain tumor or something not true and blamed it all on the Mormon Church.  The church played its part, for sure, but that wasn’t the whole story. His psycho wife and daughter played a much bigger part, possibly influenced by the MC. I told my some of my friends in Utah, but said nothing to anyone in my home town in Oregon. Well, mom died a little over a year ago, and now I want to set me and him free and let the people in his class know that he cared about them and wrote stories about growing up with them.  What do you think? Maybe I’ll post some of it here.

Now, that wasn’t so hard to write after all.